Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Coffee 'n Breeze Goes #Retro - What A Good #Wife Looks Like

IF YOUR HUSBAND APPEARS TROUBLED… let him alone until he is inclined to talk.  Take up your book or your needlework pleasantly and cheerfully.  Above all, don’t let him find a shirt-button missing.

~  Things a Woman Wants to Know: An Edwardian #Housewife’s Guide to Life
Think women have it hard nowadays?  This week we take a look at some old “advice” our grandmothers might have gotten to help them succeed in life.  If you can laugh at this stuff, it ts proof positive you’ve come a long way, baby.  Hopefully, these daffy little black pearls of wisdom will make you feel a little happier with your life.  The tips that follow come from genuine advice manuals, magazines, films, or #books.
#UNDERCLOTHING…A virtuous woman has a repugnance towards excessive luxury in underclothing. 
Carole says:  I don’t know about you, but I have a repugnance towards virtuous underclothing.

SUCCESS IS IN THE DETAILS… Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

Louise says: If all else fails, there’s always the Threesome.


Carole says:  Now why on earth would I ever feel down about such things?  I love them!  Doh.  I thought they said truffles.
A Wife's Work… If you have a job or career of your own, would you be willing to give it up if it would advance your husband's interests? If not, you are more interested in promoting yourself than promoting your husband. Helping a man attain success is a full-time career in itself. You can't hope to do it unless it is important enough to claim all your attention.
 Louise says: As if the sacrifice isn’t reward enough, urban legend says that the woman who relinquishes her livelihood for her mate will be compensated in heaven with a bevy of virginal superheroes. So it’s your basic win/win.


Best Behavior  Social conventions can do very little to protect a girl really bent on getting into difficulties. In this case, a girl not out of her teens would do better to avoid [dinner at a bachelor's] unless others, considerably more mature than she, are present. A career girl, from her twenties onward, can accept such an invitation but should not stay beyond ten or ten-thirty. An old rule and a good one is ‘Avoid the appearance of evil.
Carole says:  I agree with this advice.  One old rule but a good one that I’ve learned by first-hand experience is this: One martini is not enough and two is too many.  To avoid the appearance of evil, however, I suggest three.  That way you’re guaranteed to be in bed by ten or ten-thirty. 

Rules of Engagement… It is up to you to earn the proposal—by waging a dignified, common-sense campaign designed to help him see for himself that matrimony rather than bachelorhood is the keystone of a full and happy life.

Louise says: Indeed. A skilled woman will leave no stone unturned in her race toward the altar. Rocks, bricks, the occasional golf club to the head – these implements will help secure your place in jail – um – I mean - in marriage.

A WIFE’S POWER…  The power of a wife for good or evil is irresistible.  Home must be the seat of happiness, or it must be forever unknown.  If at home a man finds no rest, and is there met with bad temper, or gloom, or is assailed by discontent or complaint, he sinks into despair.

 Carole says:  Bite me.

Hope you found these tongue-in-cheek hints useful, ladies!  

Meet USA TODAY Bestselling Author Carole Lanham.
Meet USA TODAY Bestselling Author Louise Caiola.


  1. Hilarious! I don't think I'm going to show this to the soon-to-be hubby though. He doesn't need any more fuel for his fire. Please excuse me while I go pick out his clothes before he goes off to work...

    1. I actually do a lot more "traditional" kinds of womanly things around my house than a lot of my friends do but it's appreciated and not expected, which is something that past generations probably couldn't say. To thank you for being the first to comment on our new blog, we'd love to gift you a copy of our books. To claim the books, just drop me a quick line at the wife@horrorhomemaker.com Thanks for taking the time to comment :)