Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Coffee 'n Breeze Goes #Retro - What A Good #Wife Looks Like

IF YOUR HUSBAND APPEARS TROUBLED… let him alone until he is inclined to talk.  Take up your book or your needlework pleasantly and cheerfully.  Above all, don’t let him find a shirt-button missing.

~  Things a Woman Wants to Know: An Edwardian #Housewife’s Guide to Life
Think women have it hard nowadays?  This week we take a look at some old “advice” our grandmothers might have gotten to help them succeed in life.  If you can laugh at this stuff, it ts proof positive you’ve come a long way, baby.  Hopefully, these daffy little black pearls of wisdom will make you feel a little happier with your life.  The tips that follow come from genuine advice manuals, magazines, films, or #books.
#UNDERCLOTHING…A virtuous woman has a repugnance towards excessive luxury in underclothing. 
Carole says:  I don’t know about you, but I have a repugnance towards virtuous underclothing.

SUCCESS IS IN THE DETAILS… Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

Louise says: If all else fails, there’s always the Threesome.


Carole says:  Now why on earth would I ever feel down about such things?  I love them!  Doh.  I thought they said truffles.
A Wife's Work… If you have a job or career of your own, would you be willing to give it up if it would advance your husband's interests? If not, you are more interested in promoting yourself than promoting your husband. Helping a man attain success is a full-time career in itself. You can't hope to do it unless it is important enough to claim all your attention.
 Louise says: As if the sacrifice isn’t reward enough, urban legend says that the woman who relinquishes her livelihood for her mate will be compensated in heaven with a bevy of virginal superheroes. So it’s your basic win/win.


Best Behavior  Social conventions can do very little to protect a girl really bent on getting into difficulties. In this case, a girl not out of her teens would do better to avoid [dinner at a bachelor's] unless others, considerably more mature than she, are present. A career girl, from her twenties onward, can accept such an invitation but should not stay beyond ten or ten-thirty. An old rule and a good one is ‘Avoid the appearance of evil.
Carole says:  I agree with this advice.  One old rule but a good one that I’ve learned by first-hand experience is this: One martini is not enough and two is too many.  To avoid the appearance of evil, however, I suggest three.  That way you’re guaranteed to be in bed by ten or ten-thirty. 

Rules of Engagement… It is up to you to earn the proposal—by waging a dignified, common-sense campaign designed to help him see for himself that matrimony rather than bachelorhood is the keystone of a full and happy life.

Louise says: Indeed. A skilled woman will leave no stone unturned in her race toward the altar. Rocks, bricks, the occasional golf club to the head – these implements will help secure your place in jail – um – I mean - in marriage.

A WIFE’S POWER…  The power of a wife for good or evil is irresistible.  Home must be the seat of happiness, or it must be forever unknown.  If at home a man finds no rest, and is there met with bad temper, or gloom, or is assailed by discontent or complaint, he sinks into despair.

 Carole says:  Bite me.

Hope you found these tongue-in-cheek hints useful, ladies!  

Meet USA TODAY Bestselling Author Carole Lanham.
Meet USA TODAY Bestselling Author Louise Caiola.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Coffee 'n Breeze with Carole & Louise - #Beauty, #JoanRivers, #MayaAngelou

I want to introduce you to a new HOOK feature - Coffee 'n Breeze with Carole and Louise. #USAToday bestselling authors, Carole Lanham and myself are joining forces for a weekly chat over a cup of brew, and we invite you to join us! We will be shooting the breeze about the things that touch each of our lives. Love, relationships, parenting, aging, dating, books, movies, cooking and crafts just to name a few. So pull up a chair and an empty mug. Leave a comment for your chance to win a FREE eBook, too!
Today's Topic - Beauty Over Forty 
Louise - The recent passing of the fabulous and funny #JoanRivers has me thinking about the perils of perceived perfection. While we are told that Ms. Rivers' death wasn't a result of a cosmetic surgery procedure gone bad - we also know that she, among many other aging #Hollywood performers spent/spend thousands of dollars on the quest for eternal youth. Or - at the very least - the appearance of youth. But this obsession with beauty isn't exclusive to those in the public eye. Women everywhere, especially aging women, are chasing some form of that same dream. I will speak personally for a moment so as not to wield broad presumptions. Open my medicine cabinet on any given day and you'll find an army of creams and lotions meant to help my skin stay soft and wrinkle- free. Hair dye to keep the grays at bay. Gloss and polish and all the trimmings that promise to make me look ten years younger than I am. (Ahem - ever 39?? Not.) As an #author, I'm fortunate that the majority of my time is spent out of beauty's harsh high-def glare. I often say that if #Oprah came calling I'd first have to run for an emergency Botox treatment. That said - the "beauty" industry is BIG biz. Millions of dollars are invested in these efforts. So I know I'm not the only one in a middle-aged panic. It seems that the stripped-down version of who we are is something or someone we are more likely to hide or apologize for.
Carole - One of the great surprises I’ve found with aging is the sense of secret shame I have over how much I care.  It’s not easy looking in the mirror and facing an image that doesn’t match up with the one I carry inside of me.  Sometimes I find myself pausing for long moments before the beauty creams at #Walgreens.  I stopped in for a loaf of bread and some Nyquil, I swear, yet there I am, furtively glancing about to ensure there is no one around from church or my daughter’s Girl Scout troop who might catch me loitering in the Personal Care isle.  If I happen to have on the pair of sweats with the permanent barbeque stains dribbled down the right leg, I might actually dare to remove a jar or two from the shelf and read of their promised wonders.  The same is true for all those ads in magazines that I used to flip by without a thought while waiting at the doctor’s office.  Now that I’m there for annual mammograms, advertisements for stuff like ELASTIderm and Masque Bar Brightening Sheet Mask have taken on considerably more allure.  Even so, I peek at them as though peeking at a naked picture.  I don’t want to be caught caring.
Louise - The trouble lies in the standard set in large part by the mass media in all its photo-shopped glory. I recently heard an alarming statistic that said that only FOUR PERCENT of girls/women perceive themselves to be #beautiful. I venture to say this dismal figure is due largely to the effects of the newly accepted "norm." The unwritten beauty guidebook that constantly asks such urgent queries as: Are our teeth white enough? Is our skin clear enough? Our hair thick enough? Our waists thin enough? Are WE good enough? I venture to ask - when is enough enough?
 Carole - I was raised to believe that things like intelligence, a good work ethic, and #creativity were the keys to the kingdom and yet, as women, we’ve all been on the receiving end of good fortune born of nothing more than the beauty that comes with youth.  It was important then and it’s important now, regardless of how modern a girl you are.  Yes, we are so much more than the face we present to the world, but does this mean that we should cease to care about that face completely, simply because it’s not as young as it once was?  I feel shallow dishing out thirty-five bucks for a teeny bottle of water-colored liquid that is supposed to lift my eyelids.  That said, the desire to hang onto that sense of well bring that comes from feeling healthy and taking good care of yourself is not something we ever age out of.  Maintaining a positive outlook about one’s self need not include waging an assault on drooping skin, but the fact is, what makes us feel good about ourselves varies from person to person.  If you truly are that intelligent and creative individual your mother raised you to be, you’ll make peace with what that means for you.  As #MayaAngelou so beautifully said, “The most important thing I can tell you about aging is this: If you really feel that you want to have an off-the-shoulder blouse and some big beads and thong sandals and a dirndl skirt and a magnolia in your hair, do it.  Even if you’re wrinkled.”
What do you think? Is beauty harder to maintain the older we get? Are your ideals of what is beautiful and what's not in keeping with what you know to be true about yourself? Comment for your chance to win a #FREE #Kindle copy of The Reading Lessons and The Making of Nebraska Brown.